


Ready to Be Happy Again

by The-Winter-Maximoff (kindersuprisefics)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Lots of angst?, M/M, but I guess this ship is messed up to begin with?, disturbed relationship, how they work their relationship out is the important part of their relationshp, i guess this is the one year anniversary of vienna, i like what I wrote in the beginning but I apologize for the rest being slow, its not supposed to be perfect, lots of feelings development, meaning it's not really appropriate to start this relationship on this day of all days, so like mourning and sadness happens?, uncertain relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 03:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7298182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindersuprisefics/pseuds/The-Winter-Maximoff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'This was so wrong. </p>
<p>Who did this? </p>
<p>Kissing the man who killed your father right in front of said dead father’s grave?'</p>
<p>Their relationship is like the forbidden fruit. </p>
<p>It was a sin to eat it. </p>
<p>Yet they did anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ready to Be Happy Again

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my best fic I am so sorry. 
> 
> I'm loosing my mind slowly and I feel like I am loosing my writing touch.

He didn't understand what this was. The feeling haunted him at night, plaguing his thoughts and churning his insides.   
The overwhelming bubble of emotions grew outward from his chest and expanded throughout the rest of his body. 

It was a heavy feeling yet it was like a black hole, sucking the life from him and leaving an painful emptiness. 

Why?

He was getting better wasn't he? He was less sad now, everyday had seemed much happier than before. So why was he feeling this way? 

 

He had something that made him want to live again. What could possibly make him sad still? Was he forgetting something? Why wouldn't this empty sorrow go away? He didn't understand what he was doing wrong anymore and at this point he was certain he was going insane. 

‘How long have I been here?’ 

 

He sits up in his bed and looks over at the calendar at the wall, eyes straining in the darkness. 

His eyes look empty, and his mind feels even more hollow upon realizing the date. 

 

 

It's uncharacteristically quiet at the table that morning. Not just with one but with both of them. 

Zemo was the first to wake up that morning, surprisingly, he made himself coffee and sat at the table waiting for T'challa to wake up. 

When the Wakandan King did show up, Zemo felt sick upon seeing the man dressed in black today. It was a color that was good on him but it only made it more clear of what was happening today. 

 

“I want you to go with me. Please?” 

His voice is so gentle, just as it always is, yet Zemo could hear an underlying sadness in his voice, he couldn't refuse that, no matter how much it discomforted him. 

“Will other people be there?” 

“They are already there now, we will go later.” He replies, sitting next to Zemo with his own cup of coffee, “I've informed everyone I want to be alone when I see him.” 

“They don't know still?” 

“No.”

Zemo nods, and he relaxes when he feels T'challa lean some of his weight against him. No distance, that wasn't what Zemo wasn't expecting. He hesitantly, testing the waters, leans his head on T'challa’s shoulder. He expects the man to pull away but instead he feels the weight of the other man's head against his own. 

T'challa felt a bitter lingering pain, closeness with someone was enough to soothe it. It hasn't occurred to him on wether or not Zemo knew what today was, but he’s obviously been aware of it too as the date got closer. 

He will never forgive what happened, and he will never be fine with it.   
But he forgives Zemo. 

“Will you go with me?”

“Yes.” 

 

It's been many months since that night they kissed.   
It was a strange thing now, something they've still never tried to figure out or act upon. Instead they decided to live with it and continue living together without much worry.   
Maybe it was their mutual need for togetherness, maybe they've both finally realized how lonely they both are.   
No matter what it was, they both understood that they liked this development, that they needed it. 

They find comfort in each other. 

 

Zemo suggested he change in a more, suitable outfit, rather than go to a memorial in black jeans and a navy sweater. But T'challa insists he looked fine, that this was more personal then formal anyways. 

Zemo found that hard to believe considering T'challa was wearing a very fine and expensive looking black suit, but then again he always looked this nice. The perks of being a king. 

His guards were there to escort them to where a car was waiting. Zemo realizes in this moment how scared he was. 

He hadn't been outside the palace until today. 

His paces slows down and T'challa notices instantly, he too has a nervous look on his face. They share a silent conversation, fear and uncertainty was met with comfort and reassurance. T'challa takes his hand into his own firm grip and Zemo squeezes it as he wills himself to continue on with him. 

Outside, a car with tinted windows waits for them. 

Zemo takes in his surroundings, the beautiful landscape that surrounds the building was colored with multitudes of flowers, all gifts left by mourning Wakandans.

Zemo feels out of place. He didn't belong here, he shouldn't be in Wakanda, he should be heading to the funeral of the man he killed, he shouldn't be holding hands with the son of the man he killed. T'challa didn't deserve the presence of such a monster. 

He doesn't notice that they are in the car until they finally start driving down the long path that lead to a large, open gate that surrounded the area.

The sky was overcast today, it looked like it was going to turn into a storm soon. 

Zemo and T'challa both thought it was quite appropriate for such a dark day. 

They're silent, sitting next to each other without much space apart.   
Zemo is distracted by the outside, taking in everything that was Wakanda. It was beautiful, he wished he could have been here under different circumstances.

‘Maybe in another life.’ 

They pass through a city. 

T'challa looks out the window to see many people waving to the car, people who were trying to yell words of comfort and love to him from the outside. He smiles, he loved his country and the loving citizens in it.

Even with the rumors spreading about his request to bring Zemo here and they still didn't resent T'challa. 

They trusted him, knowing that made him understand how important and effective each of his decisions were. Bringing Zemo here was very spontaneous and reckless of him, anything could have happened.

T'challa is lucky everything came out the way it did. Even if it still is surprising itself. 

Still, he wasn't sure how they would react to finding out Zemo was not a prisoner, that he was living here in the country he committed a heavy crime against. 

 

Zemo constantly worried the same thing. 

‘What if I'm seen?’

‘Would anyone recognize me?’ 

Zemo doesn't understand Wakandan language that well. He only knows what T'challa has taught him. The people outside could have been saying anything. Helmut would never know, not unless he asked.

This day was not about his anxiety though, he was certain T'challa was already feeling enough emotions. It would be rude of him to bring up something else troubling when he was already sad. 

Zemo honestly didn't know what was appropriate to say in this situation. Everything he thought of sounded wrong. There was only one thing he could think of saying in this moment.  
He wanted to say it over and over again. 

They are both jolted from their thoughts suddenly as the car stops. 

“We are here.” T'challa says in a low voice. He takes a deep breath, mentally reassuring himself that he was fine, pushing that growing sadness back into himself. 

Zemo feels his heart racing at a thousand beats per second, he swallows and tries to keep himself from breathing too fast, he did not need to pass out right now. 

They both get out of the car, the Dora Milaje are close to T'challa, not only protecting him but also ready to support him if needed. 

Zemo takes in his surroundings. This was a sacred place, one that's been here for generations. He did not belong here, it felt wrong even standing on such precious grounds. 

“For many centuries Wakanda’s Royalty have been buried here.” T'challa says, walking over to stand next to Zemo, “And some day, I will be buried here too.” 

Zemo's breath catches in his throat and T'challa can see a dark emotion briefly flash through his eyes. 

“But that won't be for a long time.” He adds, smiling as he took Zemo's hand. 

“Come, it is this way.” 

Zemo lets T'challa guide him, it was almost like he couldn't feel his legs anymore.

This was a graveyard. 

This was where T’challa’s grave will be. 

Where it could have been if he had claimed more then one life that day in Vienna. 

Zemo squeezes his eyes shut, his insides ache, he almost feels the need to throw up. He was already disrespecting this country enough by being here, it would only make it worse to vomit on the resting place of their kings. 

 

T'challa could feel how tense Zemo was, his pulse was strong even in the hand that he held. He rubbed his thumb over the top of Zemo's hand gently, trying to comfort his friend. 

Friend. 

Is that what they are? 

 

T'challa stops in front of his parent’s resting place, it was decorated and adorned with flowers and candles. It always made T'challa happy to see how much his people also loved his father. Hopefully one day he will be loved this much too. 

Sadness begins to grow as well as nostalgia. 

T'challa smiles, remembering some of the most special moments from his childhood. 

He had a close relationship with his father as he grew up. He taught T'challa many things, shown T'challa the importance of being a king, and how important the mantle was. 

T’chaka was the main influence in T'challa's life, the one who made him the man he was today.   
T’challa only hoped he became a man who his father would have been proud of. 

‘I'm trying so hard, father. I truly am, please give me signs of how to be a good King.’

T’challa’s whole world felt like it shattered when his father died. He felt lost and alone and overwhelmed knowing now he had to take on two mantels he wasn't sure if he was ready for. 

Now it's been an entire year.

T'challa prays that he's made his father proud, both as King, and as the Black Panther. 

 

Zemo has decided to leave T'challa alone with his thoughts, he stands to the side of the man and let's his mind tear himself apart. 

‘You monster.’ 

‘You're no better than those Avengers.’ 

Zemo feels desperate to get away from his thoughts, he decides it might be a good time to say something to T'challa, anything to stop the silence. 

But as soon as the Sokovian looked down at the young king, he realized T'challa had tears in his eyes, as well as an all too familiar look on his face. This instantly triggers something in Helmut’s brain, he wants to scream as images flash across his mind. 

His families lifeless corpses. 

 

Himself, on his knees, desperately trying to hold all of them in his arms, screaming and crying in despair, pleading for some kind of miracle. 

Zemo can see himself, standing over the makeshift graves of his family, practically mirroring T'challa. 

 

He sobs. 

 

T’challa’s is startled by the sudden noise, he looks around for the source, eyes widening as his eyes land on Zemo, who was violently sobbing with a look of despair and fear in his tear filled eyes. 

T'challa reaches out to him, feeling Helmut jump slightly, shaking his head and drawing his hands closer to him, trying to calm his out of control heart beat.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry.” He says heartbrokenly, looking down at his hands as if they were stained with blood. They were.

He's hyperventilating, shaking so violently that T'challa almost thought the man would shatter. 

T'challa hadn't thought about this outcome, with the way they've been living together, it was almost like he forgot, as if it was a completely different man who killed his father. 

He no longer associated Zemo with his pain anymore. 

“I’m a monster.” 

“Zemo…”

“What have I done!?”

“Please….”

“I'm so sorry!” 

T'challa has Zemo in a tight embrace, Zemo's clinging to him desperately as he cried in the King's chest, T'challa also silently cries against Zemo’s shoulder.

“I shouldn't be here. I should have died.” 

“You are right where you should be.” 

“I don't deserve this…I don't deserve you.” Zemo gestures bitterly to the grave, “Just look at what I've done! I took your family from you!”

T’challa takes Zemo's face in his hands, softly wiping his tears away with his thumbs, he's never seen such a beautiful person before. 

“Helmut,” he whispers, smiling, tears still running down his face. 

Zemo stares at him, eyes wide and confused. 

T'challa has never called him by his first name before. It sounded different, like a whole other language he's never heard before. 

No ones called him Helmut since her.

“I want you by my side, I need you by my side.” He says happily, “Forgiving you was the greatest decision I have ever made, Helmut.” 

 

Zemo blinks, tears dripping down his lashes, he looks at T’challa with wide doe like eyes. 

“After everything I've done, why?” 

T'challa almost doesn't understand it himself. But there was just something about this that felt so right. 

“Because one day…One day we will be buried here together too.” 

It was a strange way to say it, but in this moment it just seemed like the only way T'challa could say it. 

Zemo didn't even care how morbid it sounded, in fact he was beyond touched by the statement. He understood T'challa perfectly and it only made him more emotional. 

 

They kiss, passionately, lovingly, the need to be close was extremely overwhelming. 

T'challa was holding Zemo tightly against him, Zemo in return had his arms wrapped around his neck as he kissed him back with strong desperation. 

 

This was so wrong. 

 

Who did this? 

 

Kissing the man who killed your father right in front of said dead father’s grave? 

 

“I'm so sorry T'challa…” 

“You've already made me forgive you.”

“I don't deserve your forgiveness.”

T'challa presses his forehead against Zemo's, they gaze into each other’s tear spilling eyes, another silent conversation is being shared between them. 

They continue to share several gentle and small kisses between the silence together. 

 

“I hurt you. I did to you what was done to me. I can't ask for this, T’challa.” 

“It's not you who is asking.” T'challa takes Zemo's hands into his own, kissing them, “I want this, Helmut. Please, that's all I ask of you, I need you by my side.” 

 

“I want this too.” 

“Then please, don't cry anymore. I'm already sad today, I can't stand to see you sad too.” 

Zemo nods and rests his head against T'challa’s shoulder as he's pulled into another embrace. 

 

It's okay to let someone love you again. Even if you've done something wrong, you can still be happy again with forgiveness and redemption. 

 

Zemo was ready to be happy again. 

 

He was ready to make T'challa happy too.


End file.
